Coal Oven Heavyweights

The sign that gave birth to this mission

Rather than getting into the details that bind the so called, "Coal Oven Heavyweights" together, let's start by looking at the details of who they are. At left is a virtual who's who of pizza in the NYC area, with a couple of Connecticut icons sprinkled in for good measure. Back in February, I saw this blackboard while dining at the newly opened Juliana's. It spoke to me. Can you hear it? In case you cannot, it was asking for someone to eat at this crop of pizza giants. Now if you know anything about me, you know that the sign is asking, nay, demanding that I eat at all these places in one day! The only thing better than food is road trips. Road trips that revolve solely around food? That's colossal (you heard it hear, that's the new and improved version of EPIC!)

Thanks for breaking my mirror

What's a man to do? First, recruit a couple of people who are equal parts hungry, dumb, and crazy to go on this colossal (there's that word again) foodventure (that's my word too!). Second, save up my lunch money to buy copious amounts of pizza and some gasoline to do me travels. Third, get out there and go get some.

Where to begin? Logically, it made sense to break these up into groups - Brooklyn, CT, and NYC. The journey began with a jaunt into downtown Brooklyn, Juliana's was first on the list, but before we could settle in for our first taste of pizza we needed something to start the day off right. And that's where Dough came in. Literally the best way to start any day. And they're on Twitter!

After getting some doughnuts, my Cube was hit by some speeding d-bag who knocked my side mirror off mi coche and promptly drove away. A mere mortal would just quit, pack his bags and let this put a
damper on his day. I am no mere mortal - though I'm still really annoyed about my mirror!

Off to Juliana's. Stop 1. They set the bar and set it extremely high. There were three layers of perfection here - dough, sauce, cheese. If only I could describe the joy my taste buds experienced...Oh wait, I can. Perfection.

Grimaldi's

Next on the list was Grimaldi's, the pizza giant next door who started where Juliana's currently resides, by the family that owns and runs Juliana's. Got that? If not, check out the history. The rules at Grimaldi's are simple: no reservations, no credit cards, no slices, no delivery. These rules are an overriding theme for the day (though some places did accept credit cards).Grimaldi's is an experience that many locals will balk on because of the insanely long lines. However, as I'm often asked when in the line, "hey mate, you're from here. Is it really worth it?" Naturally, my conversation takes place with an Aussie and I answer in the affirmative. It's easy to fake being good at something for a little while. It's impossible to fake the funk for that long. Yes, Grimaldi's may not technically be Grimaldi's and may not be in the location that Grimaldi's once occupied, but as Yogi Berra once said, I forget. But it likely made little sense and involved talking in circles. On this day, Grimaldi's was the second pizza sampled and it was slotted at #2 in terms of taste behind the mighty Juliana's. Why? Simple, the sauce lacked any depth of flavor. It tasted like tomatoes. Unseasoned, ground up, tomatoes. The dough was not cooked as well as Juliana's, undercooked, and that was a let down as well - and don't let the burnt edges in the photo fool you, the middle was not quite cooked.

Small. Unassuming. Delicious.

Next on the list is a place near and dear to my heart. Nestled in the heart of Coney Island is Totonno's. Their story is well documented, and the recent history includes a fire and severe damage thanks to that stupid ho' Sandy. Because of that ho-rricane, our pizza tour was delayed until the CI legend was back in business.

With the green light, stop #3 was at 1524 Neptune Ave for a place that has been feeding my family tree for nearly 90 years. All bias aside, Totonno's was stop #3 and was promptly placed into the #3 slot on the day's rankings. The common criticism amongst our group was that the pizza was very salty, especially in comparison to the prior two stops.

Official Brooklyn Scorecard: (1) Juliana's (it wasn't even close) (2) Grimaldi's (3) Totonno's

A Sally Consiglio Production

Next up was a change of pace, hitting the road for the Nutmeg State, destination New Haven. My prior New Haven experience was very burger-centric as it is the home of Burger giant Louis Lunch (whom I have not done a proper review for and I'm ashamed). Forgive me father for I have sinned. Hitting the road for Connecticut in the middle of the day on a Saturday sounds like a death wish, not this kind but more like, "hey man isn't we gonna hit hours and hours of traffic?" "Uhhhh, yeah we is, but today the traffic is our friend because our next stop, Sally's, doesn't open until 5 and without traffic will be wandering the streets of New Haven for far too long."

All you need to know about pizza in New Haven takes place on one street, Wooster Street to be exact, and it is Little Italy, filled with multiple Italian eateries for any fare you desire. At the top of Wooster, you'll find Sally's Apizza and further down you'll come to Frank Pepe's.

The fourth stop quickly became fourth place on everyone's scorecard. The sauce, much like Grimaldi's on this day, lacked depth of flavor. Unlike the other stops on the pizza tour, Sally's doesn't make a Margherita pie (and there's more on that front in a a few paragraphs), but good pizza is good pizza, right? Unfortunately, Sally's Apizza was a letdown. Our hopes had been set high by our lengthy delay between slices and the fact that Sally's is part of such a prestigious list.

Frank Pepe is doing it right

Moving down Wooster, there was a rather long line outside of Frank Pepe's, well one of the Frank locations. The other location had no line, no wait. What gives? The location with no wait is the original location, the one with the wait is the newer location. Both have the same name, have the same coal oven, have the same loyal following, and presumably the same delicious pizza.

In an effort of fairness and full disclosure, we opted to get our pizza on at the original location (which is nestled at the back of a long parking lot if you've never been there.) Margherita pie? Check. And now we're back on track. Frank served up a real eye-opener, a palate-pleaser, a flavorful fiesta for your mouth. The sauce was delicious, the cheese was fresh and not overly salty, and the fresh basil complimented each bite.


For the CT leg, Frankie baby was the winner. On the overall scorecard, Frank Pepe's slipped into the #2 slot after this strong initial showing, truly love at first bite.

Official CT Scorecard: (1) Frank Pepe's (2) Sally's Apizza (and it was a very distant 2nd)

Rounding out our journey, a trip back to the Big Apple for the remaining three giants - Patsy's, John's of Bleecker, and the infamous Lombardi's. We called ahead to Patsy's (the original location on 1st Ave and 118th St in East Harlem) and they had a fresh, hot pizza waiting for us. We ate outside, on the hood of my beleaguered Cube, and enjoyed an impromptu fireworks show about 20 blocks away in the middle of 1st Ave.

Patsy Perfect

If you thought the Grimaldi's-Juliana's saga was confusing, try looking into the history of Patsy's and figuring out who's who and what's really Patsy vs. what's not quite the really real Patsy. It's more complex than two-variable calculus but not quite as complex as figure out which Ray's is really the original Ray's.

Back to the mission - Patsy's, unreal. Was such a gift for our taste buds that they practically vaulted to the #1 spot for all of us. Next, it was a downtown run to Bleecker for some of John's finest. Interestingly, we called ahead to John's, wanting to have a hot pie ready for take-out, however the guy who answered the phone was confused at our request for a Margherita pie. He declared, "what do you mean by that because a Margherita pie means different things to different people?" All I know can be summed up here and while recent research sheds some doubt to this claim; for me, it was always fairly common knowledge that a Margherita pie is made just like you've seen throughout this post.

John's of Bleecker

The nomenclature snafu aside, John's of Bleecker delivered as we had hoped. It was a delicious pie but it was not on the level of Patsy. Why? For me, the sauce just wasn't there. It almost invariably comes down to the sauce and there wasn't quite the depth I was hoping for. That said, you cannot go wrong with pizza from here. It's really, really good. Forget all that DOH hype from within the past year, go here. Eat. Enjoy. Repeat.

Lombardi's - Where's my f'n basil?

Last stop is where it all began. Everything I've said about Lombardi's can be found here and on this night, for whatever reason, Lombardi's didn't deliver what I was expecting. I was thinking something of biblical proportions, along the lines of, "and the first shall be the last", though on this night, the first was huddled somewhere in the middle of the pack. For today's journey, Lombardi's pie was cooked to perfection, was really light on the basil, and had a very dense sauce. On this night, the sauce was reminiscent of something that would be more fitting on a tray of lasagne than on the top of a pizza. In the city that never sleeps, Patsy's won on this summer night. Lombardi's, a perennial favorite got the 2b nod - though the 3 slot is more apropos.

Official NYCScorecard: (1) Patsy's (2a) John's of Bleecker (2b) Lombardi's

There you have it. My one day epic, er colossal journey through the 8 Coal Oven Heavyweights. A journey that began in my Cube around 9:30am, traversed nearly 250 miles, consumed roughly 20 slices of pizza, a couple of doughnuts, some bangin' ices in New Haven to cleanse my palate, and ended just after midnight. If I had to rank the 8, that would be tricky to do and I'd rather just share my top 2, more like 1 and 1a and they are Juliana's and Patsy's. Patsy's was so good that it has evoked numerous conversations surrounding a follow up visit.

My advice, get in the car and do this now. Thank me later.